Happy 13th Birthday Chloe!

Dear Chloe,

Happy 13th birthday sweetie pie!

Wow, a teenager!  Who would have thought we would have made it this far, especially after this insane year of 2020 we had to put up with.

We really didn’t go anywhere or do anything because of the whole corona nonsense. You did manage to go to Bible camp in South Dakota though and  you were pretty happy about it. Also I guess I should mention you joined the church teens which has been a bit different.  I am sure it will get better for you as you get more used to the group of teens there.

One thing you did do was redo your bedroom. You even painted, not bad for the first time. You also drove Lumpy for the first time at church. That was fun, can’t wait to do more of that… actually not really that kinda scares me!

You did manage to learn some new stuff on piano. You can now play the first part of Fur Elise, a portion of Linus and Lucy and a smaller portion of that stupid Mariah song.  I won’t mention what you’re working on now for this year, but I will tell you you will continue to do well if you put the time in to practicing.  Someday you’ll look back and wish you would have spent more time doing that.

Since you’re in the seventh grade, your school work has gotten a bit more challenging.  I do enjoy helping you with math, however you need to understand that there are multiple ways to get to the right answer as well as ways to check to ensure the answer is right.  Always remember to show your work, its easier to learn that way!

We’re quite proud of you Chloe, and we love you so much. 

Happy Thirteenth Birthday Chloe,

Love Dad, Mom, Sam

And others too!

Will This Ever End?

Season 6, Episode 24 (PSA)

“We did it!!!” Stay Puft said as he high fived his pal Skeletor “We created a crazy pandemic and controlled the marshmallow market and made a pile of money!”

“Indeed we did, those fools believed it all!” Skeletor said. “Even the US Government!”

“We’ll it is interesting how that turned out.” Stay Puft said. “I thought what we did was pretty much robbery but dang that takes the cake.  Oh well, this Orange Man was good for our scheme!”

“Yes but there is one final thing I need to do” Skeletor said.

“What’s that?” Stay Puft asked.

“Remember when I told Col. Sanders that I wouldn’t forget that he refused to sell me EXTRA CRISPY chicken?” Skeletor asked.

“Oh yea!” Stay Puft replied. “What do you intend to do about that?”

“THIS!” Skeletor said.

“Oh no!” Col Sanders said. “My restaurant is destroyed! What will I do? I’m ruined!”

“But wait… what’s that smell?” the Col asked.

“Hey wait a minute! This gives me an idea!”

“Thank you for the business opportunity beam of power!?” Col Sanders said.

“Well we had a good time, but let us remember what this time of year is about” Skeletor said.

“That’s right!” Stay Puft said.  “It is about celebrating our Lord and Saviour’s birth!”

“And best friends through many adventures!” Skeletor said.

“That’s right!” Stay Puft said. “Same time next year?”

ORANGE MAN MAD!!!

Season 6, Episode 23 (PSA)

“Hey there you are, its Trumpster!” Biden said. “So glad you could meet us on my court. We want to try to work with you for the transition and we approved a stimulus package for the American people now that we are done holding it hostage.”

“You know, I’ve wanted to tell you and the rest of your fancy nancy democrats something, for a long time” Trump said.

“What’s that?” Biden asked.

“This is what I think of you,  and this is what the American people think of you!” Trump said.  “You may have stole the election but I am not going to do anything now to help you. Congrats this is your problem now.  Remember all those ads where you said you’re going to fix everything.  Well time to ante up Joe”

“But, but…” Biden started to say.

“Yea but but what, like the butt virus Joe, you’re a phony” Trump said.

“But how could you be upset with us?” Elizabeth Warren asked.

“Oh don’t even get me started Pocahontas!” Trump said. “Each of you and your party can enjoy the mess you created.”

“I’m so upset that I don’t even remember my name!” Biden said, then he looked at the sign. “Oh yea my name is Trader”

“Joe, you’re a big fat waste and a mess, you’re a big fat mess” Trump said. “I looked it up, your name isn’t Joe. Its Peter.”

“Peter?” Asked Kamala.  “You’re name is Peter?”

“Thats right bar dancer” Trump said. “His last name is File”

“I don’t remember any of this” Biden said. “But hey I do remember I like the smell of pert”

Why Not Zoidberg?

Season 6, Episode 22 (PSA)

“Thank you Mr. Biden for meeting with me at this fine establishment.” Dr. Zoidberg said. “And thank you for getting my other request”

“Sure thing Dr. Z” Biden said.  “I can see why you wouldn’t want to eat at Joe’s Crab Shack.  But I like to eat at places with my name so I remember who I am!”

“Plus, this place makes me happy and it has games and is full of kids!” Biden continued.

“Joe, remember why we had Zoidberg meet with us?” Kamala said as she walked up. “Dr. Z, we want you to be our surgeon general and lead us to victory over the butt virus!”

“Yes, the butt parasite” Zoidberg said. “I think the best thing to do would be to make good on the promised meal maybe?”

“Oh sure, we’ll feed you Zoidberg, as long as you’re Happy like Joe and me… Joe!” Biden said.

“And its free right?” Zoidberg asked.

“Well it’s free to you and me, the American taxpayer will pay for this one!” Kamala said.

Zoidberg scuttled to celebrate and said “Now make sure you wear your butt masks on the inside of this restaurant, we don’t want to alarm the mother parasite!”

“We have both our butt masks on” Kamala said.

“I dunno Kamala” Biden said. “I better do an inspection before we go inside!”

“HOORAY a meal!” Zoidberg said.

 

 

 

Counseling isn’t Free, or Is It?

Season 6, Episode 21 (PSA)

“These trees look great Mr. President!” Deanna Troi said. “So why did you call me here, was it wasn’t to view the trees now was it?”

“No, not really” Trump said. “I think I might need some counseling.  Everywhere I look, every one is out to make sure that the voter fraud, which was illegal, and fraud, is covered up.”

“Well Sir,” Deanna Troi said. “I don’t think you ever had a chance of winning, legit or otherwise.”

“Would you mind clarifying yourself?” Trump said.

“Well Sir, I am convinced that there was never a way you could win because even if you had 300 electoral votes, they  would have contested it because they would have played the Russia hacking card again.  Or, we would have seen more of what we did see.  Emergency democrat ballots on a massive scale.” Deanna Troi said.

“You know something, you’re fired.” Trump said.

“Well one way or another sure, but as your friend can I give you a bit of advice?” Troi asked.

“I suppose, I don’t like taking advice that I disagree with” Trump said. “But lets hear it”

“I think you should confront your issues head on, and deal with them.” Troi said.  “You should meet with Joe and Kamala, you should also deal with the butt virus and the marshmallow shortage and not worry about fighting the election results.  The American people still need you.”

“Like I said before, you’re fired.” Trump said. “Now, leave me alone, I have some walls to admire yet”

Time to Act

Season 6, Episode 20 (PSA)

“Meetings, meetings, meetings!” Biden said.  “I’m tired of all these meetings.  When will I get to go back to putting random fingers in my mouth?”

“Joe, remember that no malarkey?” Kamala asked.  “We’ll there is a cost to it.  So not matter how bad you want to taste a finger or smell some hair, you have to act presidential!”

“You’re no fun Michelle!” Biden said. “Who are we meeting anyway?”

“I’m Kamala not Michelle.  Remember we are meeting with Senators Warren and Sanders, for a ‘Senators who ran for president and failed club'”

“But I won!” Biden said.

“Thats right Joe!” Elizabeth Warren said as she did a raised fist. “And the whole tribe is proud of you!”

“Let me just say this,” Bernie said.  “Is it fair that some Americans have a dishwasher and others don’t?”

“Hey!” Biden said. “I like this guys cut, g!  He looks like he has a butt mask on his head… hey he’s a butt head!!!”

“Joe, remember we are here to meet with them about getting the senate to act on the butt virus now that we won” Kamala said.

“Thats right!” Elizabeth said. “Now that we won the white house, we can quit playing politics and holding out on aid to the American people! Its time to act!”

“You’re right chief!” Biden said. “I like the way you have your hair done, do you mind if I touch it ever so nicely”

“Joe, must I remind you that you cannot be doing this to anyone.” Kamala said.

“Oh it’s ok” Elizabeth said. “My people like to have their headdresses touched”

“Why does no one pay attention to me?” Bernie asked.  “I feel like I am being burned at the stake here!”

“My people welcome you’re people” Elizabeth said. “We don’t burn people at the stake anymore”

“Right!” Biden said, because otherwise he’d fell the burn!”

Thanks for the Help!

Season 6, Episode 19 (PSA)

“Hey look he made it!” Biden said. “Glad you you come Robert!  Do you have good news for us?”

“Sure do Mr. Biden” Mueller said. “I told them I did not see any evidence that pointed to what happened”

“You mean us stealing the election?” Biden said.

“Joe, don’t say it out loud!” Kamala said.

“That’s right Mr. Biden.  I told him I didn’t see a reason to continue to investigate” Mueller said.

“Very good!  Now why don’t  you join us for a quick bite to eat!” Biden said.

“I really am not that hungry” Mueller said.

“Oh come on now, neither are we!” Biden said. “I just like eating here because I don’t have to remember my name!”

“And I like to dance on the bars here!” Kamala said.

“Aren’t you guys worried that your antics will cost you your ‘victory'” Mueller asked.

“Don’t worry!” Biden said… “you know what you need?”

“What’s that Mr. Biden” Mueller asked.

“WET WILLY!!!” Both Biden and Kamala said.

“Guys stop!” Mueller said.  “I can’t believe you are not even the slightest bit worried?  What are you going to do about the marshmallow shortage, the butt virus and so on?”

“Ah my cabinet will take care of that!” Biden asked.  “Hey did you know I have hairy legs?”

“What?!?!” Mueller asked

“Ok gotta run Mueller!  Catch you next time at Baracks Crab shack!” Biden said.

“Thats Joe’s Crab Shack Joe!” Kamala said as she corrected him.

Mostly Peaceful Protest

Season 6, Episode 18 (PSA)

“ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!!! WE ARE ROTTEN TO THE CORE!”

“FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!!! BIDEN WON ACEPT THE FATE!!!”

“ORANGE MAN BAD!!!!”

“Hi Excuse me, can I please get by?” Sgt Slaughter said. “I support your right to protest but I just want to get through”

“Just who do you think you are?” Jules asked. “DO YOU LOVE CRAP?!”

“WHAT?” Sgt. Slaughter said.

“WHAT!?!?” Jules said.  “Say What again!?”

“NO I DON’T LOVE CRAP WHO WOULD!?!?” Sgt. Slaughter said.

“LISTEN DUDE, THIS HERE PROTEST IS ABOUT TO GET MOSTLY PEACEFUL, UNLESS YOU SOUND OFF THAT YOU LOVE CRAP!” Jules said.

“Its Celebrities Revolting Against Prejudice” Samuel L. Jackson said. “And you better give in to our demands our else you’re a bigot and a racist!

Citizen Conditioning

Season 6, Episode 17 (PSA)

“Greetings citizen!” Mayor McCheese started.  “I come before you in these dire times to address a few items.”

“Firstly, it is true what you have heard. There is a marshmallow shortage in our fair city, but I have spoken to our various store managers and each of them have told me that once the presidential election is over, the marshmallows will be plentiful again.”

“Additionally, each of you are fully aware of the butt virus that is sieging our nation currently.”

“We have to this point deferred to take action in the hopes that the infection rate would naturally peak and subside.  Unfortunately it has not.”

“Too many people are still not following recommended guidelines, so I must take action”

“Effective today, in twenty five minutes, butt masks will be mandatory for all citizens and guests of our city. You must have them on while conducting business, shopping, eating, everything!” Mayor McCheese concluded.

“Mr. Mayor, what happens if you need to go to the restroom?” a reporter asked.

“That is a good question, you may quickly remove your butt mask to do the deed, then quickly put it back on so as to minimize exposure. As an example, lets say that this butt virus was more of a respiratory virus and we had to wear face masks.  In that event, in order to eat you would have to move your mask to put food in, then quickly cover your mouth again.  Our situation is basically the same, except different end and stuff is coming out not going in” Mayor McCheese said.

“How will this be enforced?” another reporter asked.

“There is no penalty for not wearing a butt mask, however, if you do not know this.  You’re a very, very bad person.” Mayor McCheese answered.

“What about gatherings outside?”

“Public gatherings are not exempt unless you’re protesting things we agree with.  As an example, if you wanted to protest higher taxes, you better be wearing butt masks or you’d be a very, very, VERY bad person.  If you’re protesting against our police force, well then you’re in the clear.” Mayor McCheese said.

“Why the difference?”

“There is no difference, trust the science, and remember McCheese 2022!!!”