Citizen Conditioning

Season 6, Episode 17 (PSA)

“Greetings citizen!” Mayor McCheese started.  “I come before you in these dire times to address a few items.”

“Firstly, it is true what you have heard. There is a marshmallow shortage in our fair city, but I have spoken to our various store managers and each of them have told me that once the presidential election is over, the marshmallows will be plentiful again.”

“Additionally, each of you are fully aware of the butt virus that is sieging our nation currently.”

“We have to this point deferred to take action in the hopes that the infection rate would naturally peak and subside.  Unfortunately it has not.”

“Too many people are still not following recommended guidelines, so I must take action”

“Effective today, in twenty five minutes, butt masks will be mandatory for all citizens and guests of our city. You must have them on while conducting business, shopping, eating, everything!” Mayor McCheese concluded.

“Mr. Mayor, what happens if you need to go to the restroom?” a reporter asked.

“That is a good question, you may quickly remove your butt mask to do the deed, then quickly put it back on so as to minimize exposure. As an example, lets say that this butt virus was more of a respiratory virus and we had to wear face masks.  In that event, in order to eat you would have to move your mask to put food in, then quickly cover your mouth again.  Our situation is basically the same, except different end and stuff is coming out not going in” Mayor McCheese said.

“How will this be enforced?” another reporter asked.

“There is no penalty for not wearing a butt mask, however, if you do not know this.  You’re a very, very bad person.” Mayor McCheese answered.

“What about gatherings outside?”

“Public gatherings are not exempt unless you’re protesting things we agree with.  As an example, if you wanted to protest higher taxes, you better be wearing butt masks or you’d be a very, very, VERY bad person.  If you’re protesting against our police force, well then you’re in the clear.” Mayor McCheese said.

“Why the difference?”

“There is no difference, trust the science, and remember McCheese 2022!!!”

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