The First Day

When Barack Hussein and Cole Mann arrived at the Duke and Duke Investments office, he got out of the care and looked at Cole Mann and said.

“There’s something weird going on here.” Then he looked at the building and back at Cole Mann. “Man what do they even want from me in there, I don’t know what to do?”

“Just be yourself sir.” Cole Mann said “Whatever happens, they can’t take that away from you”

As Barack Hussein entered the office swarms of people were walking around and he walked up to a secretary towards the back of the office.

“Excuse me, hi, my name is…” he said but was interrupted by the secretary

“Mr. Obama, yes they’re waiting for you in the last office down the hall.”

Barack Hussein walked down the hall and entered the office to find Mortimer and Randolph were waiting for him.

“Ah, come on in right on time!” Randolph said, “Go ahead and sit down!”

They invited him to sit at a table that had various items on it.

“Uh no thanks guys I already had breakfast” Barack Hussein said.

“This is not a meal; we are here to try to explain to you what it is we do here” Mortimer said.

“That’s right” Randolph chimed in. “We’re commodities brokers. Now, what are commodities?”

Barack Hussein shrugged while Randolph continued.

“Commodities are agricultural products. Like coffee, that you had for breakfast. Wheat, which is used to make bread. Pork bellies, which is used to make bacon, which you might find in a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich.”

Barack Hussein looked at him as if to say, really.  Randolph continued again.

“Then there are other commodities like, marshmallows, oranges and gold. Except gold doesn’t grow on trees. Clear so far?”

“Yea” Barack Hussein replied.

“Good, now lets say that some of our clients are speculating that the price of gold will rise in the future.” Randolph said. “We have other clients who are speculating that the price of gold is going to fall.”

“They’ve placed their orders with us and we buy or sell their gold for them.” Randolph stated.

“Tell him the good part.” Mortimer said.

“The good part is that no matter whether our clients make money, or lose money, Duke & Duke get the commissions.” Randolph said.

“Well, what do you think, Obama?” Mortimer said

“Sounds to me like you guys are a couple of bookies!” Barrack Hussein said.

“I told you he’d understand.” Randolph said.

“Do either of you know Tim Geithner?” Barack Hussein asked.

“Who?” Mortimer asked.

“Never mind” Barack Hussein said.

“Now lets do a real world example here.” Randolph said. “Right now the pork belly contracts are trading”

“It’s hit rock bottom. Come on, let’s buy.” Mortimer said and picked up the phone. “Buy 200 May belly contracts at 66.8. Put them on my personal account.”

“That’s a big mistake, man.” Barack Hussein said

“Obama, this is very important, watch.” Mortimer said

“You’re going to get reamed on this one.” Barack Hussein said.

“Why shouldn’t we buy now?” Randolph asked.

“Price is going to keep going down.” Barack Hussein said.

“Randolph, this isn’t Monopoly money we’re playing with.” Mortimer exclaimed.

Randolph grabbed the phone and said “This is Randolph Duke. Hold that belly over a moment.” He put the phone down and continued “Tell me why you think the price of pork bellies is going down.”

“It’s Christmas time. Everybody’s uptight.” Barack Hussein said

“Could we please buy now?” Mortimer pleaded

“If you want to lose money go ahead.” Barack Hussein said.

“What are you trying to say?” Randolph asked

“OK, pork belly prices have been dropping all morning.” Barack Hussein said. “So, everybody’s waiting for them to hit rock bottom so they can buy cheap. The people with pork belly contracts are thinking, ‘Hey, we’re losing all our money and Christmas is coming. I won’t be able to buy my son the GI Joe with the Kung Fu grip. And my wife will leave me because I have no money.’ They’re panicking, screaming, ‘SELL, SELL.’ They don’t want to lose all their money. They are panicking right now. I can feel it.”

“Look at them, He’s right, Mortimer, my goodness, look at it.” Randolph exclaimed.

“I’d wait till you get to 64, then buy.” Barack Hussein said. “You’ll have cleared out all the suckers by then.”

“Do you realize how much money he just saved us?” Randolph asked his brother.

“Money isn’t everything, Randolph.” Mortimer said smugly

“Advise our clients, interested in bellies to buy at 64.” Randolph said on the phone. “Mr. Obama has set the price.”

“Well done, very well done.” Randolph said as he patted Barack Hussein on his back

“Come on, Randolph, we’re going to be late.” Mortimer said disgustingly.

As they left Barack Hussein looked down and saw a money clip full of $100 bills.  He picked it up and looked at it but then chased down the Duke’s.

“Hey there” Barack Hussein said “Mortimer dropped his money clip. You can count it, it’s all there.”

“Thank you.” Mortimer said annoyingly

“It’s all there, count it.” Barack Hussein said

“I’m sure it is. Keep up the good work.” Randolph said

“All right, Randy” Barack said as he left.

“Nice try, Mortimer.” Randolph said as he knew he was trying to win the bet.