A New Plan

Barack Hussein was able to catch up to Brandon, who in his drunken state had blacked out and was in a perilous situation when Barack Hussein found him. He brought him back with the help of Cole Mann and they called a doctor to tend to Brandon back at the house.

“It was close but he’s going to be all right.” Dr. Zoidberg said “Now, make sure he gets plenty of rest. And for goodness sake, no excitement!”

“Thanks, Doc. Merry Christmas.” Cole Mann said

Right about then, Brandon awoke in his bed

“It was a dream.” Brandon said. “I dreamt the whole thing. It was just a bad dream.”

“Good morning, sir.” Cole Mann said, “Merry Christmas. I’ve made you your favorite!”

“Oh Coleman, I’ve had the most absurd nightmare.” Brandon said. “I was poor, and no one liked me. I lost my job; I lost my house. Jill hated me. And it was all because of this terrible, awful…” he stopped mid-sentence when he saw Barack Hussein.

Brandon leapt out of bed and started to choke Brandon Hussein.  All the while Barack Hussein was trying to get him to stop by saying.

“It… was… the… Dukes.” Barack Hussein got out.

“You’re a dead man!” Brandon said but finally Ophelia and Cole Mann broke it up.

“It was an experiment.” Barack Hussein said. “They used us as guinea pigs, man.  To see how our lives would turn out. They made a bet.”

“I’m afraid it’s true, sir.” Cole Mann said.

“The Dukes ruined my life over a bet?” Brandon asked, “For how much?”

“A dollar.” Barack Hussein said.

“One dollar?” Brandon said. “Fine, that’s the way they want it. No problem.”

Brandon then got up and went to get his shotgun

“You can’t just shoot people with a double-barreled shotgun because you’re mad at them” Barack Hussein

“Why not?” Brandon asked.

“It’s assault with a deadly weapon!” Barack Hussein said “You get 20 years for that malarky!”

“Not if I shoot him through the door!” Brandon said. “Besides, do you have any better ideas?”

“Yeah, it seems the best way to hurt rich people is by turning ’em into poor people.” Barack Hussein said, “You have to admit, you didn’t like it yourself a bit.”

On the TV that Ophelia was watching the announcer said “Under heavy security, the crop estimates

for next year’s marshmallows are being delivered to the Department Of Agriculture in Washington DC.”

“Brandon! Brandon!” She exclaimed “that’s him, the guy who paid me to kiss you.”

The TV announcer continued “..In charge of security, Mr Clarence Beeks of Lyndhurst Security.”

“Clarence Beeks!” Brandon and Barack Hussein exclaimed at the same time.

“The Dukes gave him 10 grand.” Barack Hussein said

“I saw 50,000 in the payroll” Brandon said. “Mortimer said it was for research.

“Research, so he can get that top secret report, two days before it goes public.” Barack Hussein said.

“Oh my word, the Dukes will corner the entire marshmallow market!” Brandon exclaimed

“Unless somebody stops them.” Coleman said “Or beats them to it!”

“I’ve got a plan!” Barack Hussein said, “Let’s Go Brandon, I’ll need your help with this!”