12/24/2019: Epilogue

Charles Dickens: Well Boys and Girls, and Al… What did you think of our little tale of about Love, Morale, and Generosity?

Albert Einstein: Well, it seemed like it took forever to get to the good part.  Like there was such build up.

Donald Trump: I felt that it was terrific, it was a way to make Christmas Great Again!

Charles Dickens: Thank you, so what was your favorite parts? Al?

Albert Einstein: Well, I particularly liked the updated story where the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come speaks.  I feel that added a new dynamic to the story.

Donald Trump: Yes, Mr. Skeletor as the Spirit was quite terrifying.  He was a natural choice.

Charles Dickens: I felt the same.  Donald, how did you feel about playing Scrooge?

Donald Trump: Well Chuck, I knew that this part was gonna be huge!  I was a perfect choice being president and all.

Albert Einstein: For a while, I mean you were impeached right.  So doesn’t that mean you’re removed from office and Mike Pence is our president, or does it mean Nancy Pelosi is?

Charles Dickens: I’m not even American and I know that is not how it works. But while we’re on that topic, Donald, do you feel there are any similarities you have to Ebenezer Scrooge.

Donald Trump: Well, I suppose there are a few. I certainly am found of hamberders like Scrooge was.

Charles Dickens: Yea about that… That was added as part of the updated story.

Albert Einstein: What else was added to the story?  I feel like the creative licensing was pushed to the limit here.

Charles Dickens: What creative licensing, I own the rights to this story.  It would be no different than a musician playing a slightly different version of their song in a concert.

Donald Trump: Are we almost done, here? I’ve got a wall to build and a team of lawyers to assemble.

Charles Dickens: We are. Same time next year?

Albert Einstein:  Wait, we’re doing this again next year?  I thought that this was it!

Donald Trump: Well, I gotta run.  Thank you for the time Mr. Dickens, I hope your story goes well.  Al, I enjoyed your Bernie Sanders Hair.  Stop by sometime and we’ll talk.

12/23/2019: God Bless us!

Charles Dickens: Scrooge and his entourage arrived at the door of his loyal assistant. He wanted to make sure that it was a surprise, so he asked the group to be quiet and stand by without acting as if they were a part of his group. Scrooge pounded on the door.

Donald Trump: Bob Cratchit?!  Open up at once!

Charles Dickens: A bewildered and somewhat scared Bob Cratchit opened the door.

Will Riker: Mr Scrooge! What ever are you doing here today?

Donald Trump: Bob Cratchit, why were you not at work today?

Will Riker: But Mr. Scrooge, you gave us, I mean you said we could have the day off?

Donald Trump: I, Ebenezer Scrooge gave you a day off?

Will Riker: Yes, sir.  You did.

Donald Trump: Bob Cratchit I have had my fill of this.

Deanna Troi: And I’ve had my fill of your visit sir, I’d like…

Donald Trump: And therefore Bob Cratchit, you’re fired as my Assistant and…

Will Riker: What?

Deanna Troi: You sir can take your…

Donald Trump: AND Bob Cratchit you will become my partner in business.

Will Riker: Wait what?

Donald Trump: Yes Bob Cratchit, I am going to make you my full partner to take over my business someday.  I am going to raise your salary and pay your mortgage on this house.

Will Riker: My goodness Mr Scrooge, I don’t… I don’t have the words.

Donald Trump: Bob Cratchit, would you allow us to have Christmas Dinner here with you?

Will Riker: Yes,

Deanna Troi: YES! Please come in!

Charles Dickens: Scrooge and his entourage came in and there was a massive feast to be had. Scrooge took delight in seeing Tiny Tim’s face as all the people came in with gifts and food. Scrooge then told the Cratchits.

Donald Trump: I have purchased the prize turkey for you, I have pardoned it so you may do with it as you wish. Besides, here Tiny Tim try this hamberder!

Professor Xaiver: God Bless us, Everyone!

12/22/2019: The Entourage

Charles Dickens: Scrooge and his entourage found the carolers in full time.  They were singing Christmas songs to fill the air with joy and laughter.

Donald Trump: Great job, splendid job! Now sing another!

Charles Dickens: The singers sang Angels from the Realms of Glory, Joy to the World and 142.

Albert Einstein: 142?  I am not familiar with that one. What is that?

Charles Dickens: O Little Town of Bethlehem, its right here on page 142 of this book…

Donald Trump: Lady, and gentlemen, would you be so kind as to follow me as we make a few stops?  I would love to have you sing at both places.  Would you do this?

Captain Kirk: Well… we… don’t usually do that but… I think… we could make an exception in your case… if you… made a small donation to the Toys for Tribbles club.

Donald Trump: Small donation, no… I can’t do that.  I will make a very large donation though.  Will that be ok?

Captain Kirk: That’s splendid!  We’ll have no choice… but to comply. Mr. Spock… give me a C please.

Charles Dickens: The carolers struck up the singing again as Scrooge led them to his nephew Fred’s house.

Donald Trump: Nephew, Clara.  Merry Christmas!

Molar: Why Uncle Scrooge, whatever brings you here?

Beverly Crusher: Fred, welcome your uncle.  He is welcome to join us.

Donald Trump: Thank you Clara, dear Nephew.  I see you have guests, so I won’t stay long.  But I wanted to give you some gifts I have for you.

Charles Dickens: Scrooge handed each of them a present and continued.

Donald Trump: And Nephew, I brought these gentlemen with me to let you know, I did make my donation.

Hamburglar: He did indeed, thank you again Mr. Scrooge.

Donald Trump: Most welcome Hamberderlar. And Fred, I want you to stop by often and check on me.  I want you to make sure that I don’t fall back into my hard ways.  Can you do that for me?

Molar: Why yes uncle I can!

Donald Trump: I will pay you for your time, here, here is a small advance.

Molar: What can I say Uncle?

Donald Trump: Say yes, and Merry Christmas!

Molar: Yes… yes I’ll do it!

Beverly Crusher: Merry Christmas!

Charles Dickens: Scrooge left with his entourage, he had one more stop to make and it was the most important to him.

12/21/2019: Making it Right

Barack Obama: Mr Scrooge, Mr Scrooge, I brought the prize turkey for you!

Charles Dickens: The young beggar boy brought the prize turkey, but much to Scrooge’s surprise, it was still alive!

Donald Trump: Very good lad, this isn’t exactly what I thought the prize turkey was but that’s ok. Hey wait a second.  Isn’t that Mr Applegate?

Charles Dickens: Scrooge was right.  The Mr. Applegate whom yesterday asked Scrooge for an extension on his mortgage.  With him was his wife Lily.

Donald Trump: Mr. Applegate, oh Mr. Applegate a moment of your time please.

Zephram Cochrane: Please Mr. Scrooge, its Christmas.  My wife Lily and I are on our way to the London Choral Club to hear the Christmas Carols. Please have a heart, I know I can’t make our mortgage but don’t take Christmas from us.

Donald Trump: Mr. Applegate, I want you to know I forgive you of your late fee’s and I will not evict you and I’ll grant you an extension.  But please, let me join you to this Choral club to hear the music of the season!

Zephram Cochrane: My goodness, that’s a miracle thank you Mr. Scrooge, Thank you a hundred times over.

Lily: I thought you said he was an evil rich man?

Zephram Cochrane: Now darling, this is not the right time to mention that.  Mr Scrooge just answered our prayers!

Donald Trump: Its quite alright Mrs. Applegate, I was a bit of an Ogre.  But I assure you, that is in the past! Now let’s get to the Carolers

Charles Dickens: Just then two more familiar faces showed up.  It was the two Portly Gentlemen of the benevolent Order of Victoria Charity Foundation.

Zephram Cochrane: Merry Christmas!

Ted Dibiase: Merry Christmas!… Hello Mr. Scrooge.

Donald Trump: Ah yes, I was hoping I’d run into you both!

Hamburglar: Mr. Scrooge, its ok, we understand you don’t want to donate, but please don’t register your complaints with us.  Its Christmas.

Donald Trump: Of course, it’s Christmas!!! Let me show you my donation I’d like to make.

Charles Dickens: Scrooge handed one of them a large sum of money.

Ted Dibiase: Wow, Mr. Scrooge, I had no idea!

Donald Trump: A great start to a continuing trend.  This should include a great deal of interest and back pay for sure.

Hamburglar: Thank you Mr. Scrooge, Merry Christmas Mr Scrooge!

Donald Trump: Please, join us.  We’re heading to see the Carolers

Albert Einstein: I presume we are going to this as well?  I do like singing!

Charles Dickens: Absolutely we are going! But Scrooge got a bit distracted and remembered…

Donald Trump: One minute, lets take a detour.  I need to make one stop before we go. Then after the caroling, I want you all to join me.

12/20/2019: Christmas Came!

Charles Dickens: And just like that Scrooge found himself back in his room and back in his bed.

Albert Einstein: So, it was all a dream!

Charles Dickens: Was it? We’ll never know.  But from Scrooge’s perspective, it was very real.  So real indeed that he was exceedingly glad.

Donald Trump: I’m back! My Bed!  My Sheets!  There all here! Today, what’s today?

Albert Einstein: Its Christmas!

Charles Dickens: Scrooge checked his calendar.  Just as he left it, it showed December 25th.

Donald Trump: December 25th, Christmas Day. I haven’t missed it! Oh, thank you Spirits! I don’t know what to do.  I’m excited.

Charles Dickens: Scrooge got dressed and as he got dressed, he saw the poor beggar that he saw with the Ghost of Christmas Present. He opened the window and called to him.

Donald Trump: You there, boy, what’s your name?

Barack Obama: My name? Its Barry O!

Donald Trump: What a fantastic name, Barry O, what day is today?

Barack Obama: Why today, its Christmas day!

Donald Trump: Indeed, I haven’t missed it!  The Spirits did it all in one night!

Barack Obama: Uh sure, I guess they did.

Donald Trump: Barry O, do you know the store down the way with the prize turkey?

Barack Obama: Of course, its almost as big as my ego!

Donald Trump: A remarkable clever young lad, go and get it for me!

Barack Obama: But with what?  I don’t have money.

Donald Trump: Ah let me redistribute some.

Charles Dickens: Scrooge threw him down a satchel with some money.  Enough for the turkey and then some.

Donald Trump: Go and grab it and bring it back. You can keep the rest.

Barack Obama: Wow! Thank you, sir,!  Anything else?

Donald Trump: Yes, also grab me a hamberder!

Barack Obama: Can do!

Charles Dickens: The beggar boy took off and Scrooge continued to get ready.  He had a great deal of things he wanted to do to right his past.

Albert Einstein: So finally, we are getting to the…

Charles Dickens: Yes Al, we’re finally getting to the Moral, Love and Generosity. It’s called narrative structure you dimwit.

Albert Einstein: Hey you’re no Einstein yourself… wait… did I just insult me by insulting me?

12/19/2019: Doomed Scrooge, You’re Doomed for All Time!

Charles Dickens: Scrooge found him self in a very quiet and very small cemetery with the Spirit.

Albert Einstein: Man this took a harsh turn quickly! I thought you said…

Charles Dickens:  Yes Al, we’re getting there just be patient.

Donald Trump: Spirit, I fear this, but I must ask.  Whose death were the men talking about a cheap funeral?

Skeletor: That’s why we are here you fool!  Look yonder at that headstone.

Charles Dickens: The Ghost pointed and Scrooge slowly walked towards the headstone:

Donald Trump: Answer me one more question, are these the shadows of things that will be or are they the shadows of things that may be only?

Skeletor: Why must I be surrounded by these fools!  Look Scrooge, and get your answer!

Donald Trump: These events can be changed, A life can be made right.

Charles Dickens: Scrooge approached the headstone and wiped away the snow and grime to revel his name.

Donald Trump: Oh no please spirit no.  Hear me now, I’m no the man I was.  Why would you show me this if I was past all hope! I Will honor Christmas and try to keep it all year. I will live my life in the past the present and the future.  I will not shut out these lessons you have shown me.  Tell me that I may sponge out this writing on the stone!

Charles Dickens: Scrooge kneeled and begged the Ghost.  Who said nothing.

Donald Trump:  Please Spirit, what must I do to make this go away?

12/18/2019: Oh NOES!!!

Charles Dickens: As Scrooge and the Spirit entered the Cratchit’s house, it was a somber atmosphere.  There were tears and sniffles among the family.

Deanna Troi: Children, come let us freshen up before your father gets here.

Man-E-Faces: Mom I can’t believe this has happened.

Deanna Troi: I know Peter, I know.

Little Man-E-Faces: Its not fair, why does this have to happen to us.

Deanna Troi: Its out of our control Little One.

Donald Trump: Spirit, why are they sad? Oh no, don’t tell me that Tiny Tim

Charles Dickens: At that moment Bob Cratchit entered the house, looking weak and sad.  He was pushing Tiny Tim’s empty wheel chair:

Donald Trump: No Spirit, no Say it isn’t so.

Skeletor: Why the long face Scrooge!  He was going to die, and he did. He decreased the surplus population!

Deanna Troi: Oh Imzadi, I’m so sorry.

Will Riker: I know Emily.  You should have seen the burial.  We picked out the spot near the lake where he liked to watch the swans.  Next to the five lights.

Deanna Troi: But Bob there are only four lights.

Will Riker: Perhaps, but I know that I will miss Tiny Tim

Deanna Troi: As will I… come children. Let us try to be Merry, as it is Christmas

Will Riker: Let us honor Tiny Tim with a prayer.

Charles Dickens: Bob Cratchit prayed with his family and the sobbing continued.

Will Riker: He always said I was his number one dad.

Donald Trump: Oh Spirit why must you torment me with these images.  Are you not nice or kind? You could be all sorts of generous and wonderful, yet you show me these dreadful images.

Skeletor: What!?  I am not Nice, I am not Kind, and I am not Wonderful! Now come!  Now join me as we leave these poor souls.

12/17/2019: A Troubled Future

Charles Dickens: The Spirit led Scrooge to another familiar place.  It was his nephew Fred’s and the mood was certainly most different than from his last visit.

Beverly Crusher: Fred, dear you must go. I know you don’t want to, but you must.

Molar: Clara dear, I don’t know if it is worth my time.  I am not so sure he would do this for me?

Donald Trump: Spirit, why do you bring us here.  Why is my dear nephew Fred and his lovely wife Clara at odds?  Is this related to the businessmen’s argument?

Skeletor: You moronic fool! Don’t you pay attention to things?

Donald Trump: I didn’t know for sure, that’s why I’m asking.

Skeletor: I could right a book on what you don’t know.

Beverly Crusher: Fred, if you like I can go with if you like, but I don’t know if it is wise with me being well with our son Wesley…

Donald Trump: Why Fred is going to be a father!  This is great new Spirit!

Skeletor: Indeed, he is to be a father but that is not why I brought you here!

Albert Einstein: Yea I’m a bit confused too as to why he was brought here.

Charles Dickens: Well, if you remember. Fred was Scrooge’s only blood relative alive. 

Donald Trump: Spirit, do you know if their son will be healthy. Mercy me, I hope he’s ok.

Skeletor: It is not Fred’s son you should worry about, it is your own well being you should be worried about.

Molar: Clara, I don’t want to lose you or Wesley. No I shall go on my own.  It is something I knew I must do someday, and its best if I face this alone.

Charles Dickens: Fred left in a bit of a hurry while the Spirit took Scrooge to another familiar place.

Donald Trump: Why this is Bob Cratchit’s Spirit!  Yes this place is filled with much joy, but why is it so quiet?  Why is there no laughter?

Skeletor: Why am I not ruler of Eternia?  I do not know either of these things.  Enter and your answer shall be given!


Charles Dickens: Scrooge found himself in the presence of a very intimidating spirit. In the novel, the Spirit didn’t speak, but for this telling…

Skeletor: Silence you insolent fool!  I am the Ghost of Christmas yet to come!

Donald Trump: Oh Spirit, I didn’t say anything, but I fear you the most.

Skeletor: As you should!  How unpleasant it is to see you, you sniveling coward!

Albert Einstein: Man, this dude is jacked and terrifying!  Just look at scepter he has!

Skeletor: You furry flea-bitten fool!  I’ll cover my throne with your hide!

Albert Einstein: Did he, is he talking to me?

Charles Dickens: I don’t know, but I do know that Scrooge was terrified as well.

Donald Trump: Spirit, I am prepared to follow and to learn with a thankful heart.

Skeletor: Excellent, now let us go as the night is waning fast!

Charles Dickens: Scrooge followed the Spirit and found himself in a street next to business men that he was familiar with.

Jimmy Hart: No, I don’t know much about it either, I just heard.

Jules Winnfield: I just know he’s dead

Jimmy Hart: Do you know when?

Jules Winnfield: Last night I believe, I wonder what he died of?

Jimmy Hart: I bet it wasn’t from kindness. I wonder what he did with all his money.

Jules Winnfield: Well he didn’t give it to me that for sure.  Its likely to be a cheap funeral.

Jimmy Hart: I probably won’t go, unless lunch is served.

Jules Winnfield: Oh, allow me to retort… its going to be a cheap funeral!

Jimmy Hart: What?

Jules Winnfield: I said its going to be a cheap funeral!

Jimmy Hart: What?

Jules Winnfield: What country is this?

Jimmy Hart: What?

Jules Winnfield: What isn’t a country I’ve heard of; do they speak English in this country?

Jimmy Hart: What?

Skeletor: Silence!  Enough, come lets us move on.

Charles Dickens: As the Spirit and Scrooge left the scene, the argument got heated.

12/15/2019: The following is brought to you by…

Jean Luc Picard: Friends and neighbors we’ll return to our story in a moment, but first my comrade would like to share a bit of information.

Macho Man Randy Savage: OOOOOHHH YEAAA that’s right Captain, I’ve got a hunger that’s too hot to handle and too cold to hold… oooh yea

Ultimate Warrior: You need a snack that has the power of the warrioooorrr!

Macho Man Randy Savage: Ooh yea, Best there is, past, present and future ooooooh  yea!

Ultimate Warrior: Load Up the Spaceship with Rocket Fuel!

Macho Man Randy Savage:  I’m the tower of power, too sweet to be sour. I’m funky like a monkey, the Sky’s the limit and space is the place.!

Jean Luc Picard: Gentlemen, are you going to pitch catch phrases back and forth or are you going to share your information.

Macho Man Randy Savage: Oooh yea, have you ever been hungry that you feel you could just eat your hand?

Ultimate Warrior: I could eat my hand now!  For I have the will of the warrior!

Macho Man Randy Savage: Yea snap into a Slim Jim! It’s packed with protein and flavor!

Jean Luc Picard: This sounds like a most nutritious supplement; does it go well with Earl Grey?

Macho Man Randy Savage: It goes well with any thing ooohh yea!!! Snap into it.

Ultimate Warrior: But I’ve got a snack I like as well!  It’s the chippiest chip you can get!

Macho Man Randy Savage: Ooh yea whats that Warrior?

Ultimate Warrior: Sterzing’s potato chips!  They’re the best, you can’t have a bit, every time I open a bag I polish off the bag!

Jean Luc Picard: Delicious!  Now, set a course for the continuation of the story, warp 2 engage!