12/14/2019: Ad loading…

Iron Sheik: Hey folks, we hope you’re enjoying this story!  We wanted to take a moment to thank you for your time and give a shout out to our sponsors!

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12/13/2019: The Cratchit’s

Charles Dickens: Scrooge then found him self in a very rundown part of town with the Spirit.

Donald Trump: Why have we come to this desolate part of the town?

Stay Puft: Well, its Christmas her too you know!

Donald Trump: Wait a second, I recognize this place.  This is Bob Cratchits house! Yes, I know this because I foreclosed on it prior to setting up a mortgage for him.

Charles Dickens: Just as Scrooge finished this, his faithful bookkeeper entered with their youngest son.

Will Riker: Emily, oh Emily Merry Christmas! How is dinner coming along?

Deanna Troi: Merry Christmas Imzadi, its almost done!  Martha, go and fetch Peter! Father and Tiny Tim are home!

Tiny Man-E-Faces: Merry Christmas Father! How as church?

Will Riker: It was lovely, go and help your mother Martha.

Dr Xaiver: The goose, the Christmas goose!

Charles Dickens: Tiny Tim started a coughing spell just as he said that.  His ailments cause this often.

Deanna Troi: Easy there little one, why don’t you sit down at the table.

Will Riker: You should have seen it Emily, he told me he hoped the people saw him in church because it might be pleasant for them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made lame beggars walk and blind men see.

Donald Trump: Such a remarkable son they have!

Man-E-Faces: Tiny Tim, my main man! Merry Christmas buddy!

Dr. Xaiver: Merry Christmas Peter!  Father, Mother lets join in on a prayer.

Charles Dickens: Bob Cratchit lead his family in a prayer and before they started eating, he stood up.

Will Riker: I want to propose a toast. I give you Mr. Scrooge, the founder of the feast!

Deanna Troi: What!? The founder of the feast!  Are you insane? He’s a horrible wretched man who pays you so little for your time, and even wants you to work on Christmas day!

Tiny Man-E-Faces: I wish he’d choke… he’s a national socialist!

Deanna Troi: Martha! I’ll have none of that language from you! I suppose in the spirit of Christmas…

Dr. Xaiver: To the founder of the feast, Mr. Scrooge!

Charles Dickens: The raised their glasses to Bob Cratchit’s employer and continued their dinner.

Stay Puft: Come, my time grows short

Donald Trump: But Spirit, is there not more to see? I want to see more!

Stay Puft: I have shown you what is now, my time shall end at the stroke of three.

Charles Dickens: Scrooge could hear the sound of his clock starting its hourly chime.

Donald Trump: But Spirit, is there not time to change these events?

Charles Dickens: And just as he said that the Spirit disappeared, only to be replaced by another.

12/12/2019: Fred’s Game

Charles Dickens: The warm and cozy house he found himself in, was none other than his nephew Fred and his wife Clara, who were in the midst of hosting Christmas with some of their friends.

Albert Einstein: Chuck, wasn’t Scrooge invited to this anyway?

Charles Dickens: He was indeed but remember he “bah humbugged” his RSVP.

Molar: Well Clara, we’ve had the chestnuts, plum pudding and sung the carols played pull the tooth from the Klingon We’ve even opened gifts and read the scripture, yet we have quite a bit of time left.  What shall we do now my lovelies?

Beverly Crusher: How about a game Fred!

Molar: Ah yes, a game! What shall we play

Beverly Crusher: How about yes and no!

Molar: Oh yes, we must play that, it’s a wonderful game. I’ll start

Beverly Crusher: Yes, let Fred start he always things of good ones.

Molar: I do have a good one Clara, Guess!

Data: Is it living?

Molar: Technically

Georgi LaForge: Is it a plant?

Molar: no

Worf: Is it an animal then?

Molar: What else?

Beverly Crusher: Is it found on a farm?

Molar: Never?

Data: In the city then?

Molar: Usually?

Worf: Is it a desirable creature?

Molar: Heavens no!

Data: Is it a rat?

Molar: No, my its too good.

Beverly Crusher: Wait, its an unwanted creature but not a rat, and in the city?

Molar: Yes

Beverly Crusher: Its your uncle! Ebenezer Scrooge!

Molar: YES that’s it!!!

Charles Dickens: They all laughed as the Spirit and Scrooge looked on.  Scrooge was visibly saddened by this encounter.

Stay Puft: Come, we have much to see

12/11/2019: The Ghost of Christmas Present

Charles Dickens: No sooner than the clock stroke two, did Scrooge find himself in the company of another Spirit, this one more jovial than the last.

Albert Einstein: And quite large!  He fills the room!

Charles Dickens: Indeed, when I thought of him in the writing, I tried to think of the most harmless thing.  Something I loved from my childhood that would never be scary or intimidating.

Stay Puft: The traveler has come! Come in and know me better man!

Donald Trump: Who are you?!

Stay Puft: Why, I am the Ghost of Christmas Present!

Charles Dickens: The Spirit shrunk to Scrooges size, or at least closer to his stature.

Stay Puft: My mind is filled of marshmallowy thoughts of the here and now, and the now is Christmas!

Donald Trump: I don’t think I have ever met anyone like you Spirit.

Stay Puft: Well, sir, let me introduce you to Christmas Morning!

Charles Dickens: The Spirit took Scrooge to a bright and cheery morning full of people who were laughing, singing, dancing, and celebrating.

Albert Einstein: We never danced on Christmas day!  I didn’t know that was a thing.

Charles Dickens: But of course!  In London we did it all the time!

Stay Puft: Can you feel the joy in the air?  Its Christmas Morning!

Donald Trump: You said that Spirit.

Stay Puft: I did, well, it bears repeating. Like hear, take this young lad. He is down on his luck but he is pleased that today is Christmas!

Donald Trump: I know this man, this is Mr. Applegate.  I am fixing to evict him today!

Stay Puft: And yet he cares not, even being down and out cannot stop his Joy for Christmas day! And here, this young lad.  Poor and hungry, asking for a scrap of food here or there, is ecstatic to get a left-over hamburger.

Donald Trump: Did you see that, he stole another hamberder from that rich man over there. And now he’s giving it to another beggar.

Stay Puft: Are you sure he stole it? How do you know that that rich man didn’t want to share the Christmas spirit… he is redistributing joy to others.

Charles Dickens: Scrooge beheld all the hustle and bustle on the street.  He really was amazed at the excitement and the cheerfulness of the crowd.

Donald Trump: Spirit, I had no idea that this much happiness was happening on one day, despite the hard times.  Spirit, I wish to see more.  Show me family and kin

Stay Puft: Touch my hat, and we shall see what you wish to see.

Charles Dickens: Scrooge touched his hat and immediately he found himself in a modest but warm and cozy house.

12/10/2019: Scrooge’s Loss

Charles Dickens: Just as before, Scrooge and the Spirit were whisked away to another scene. This time in an open style house where the dinning room, living room and kitchen were all open to each other. 

Peg Bundy: Al… can’t we buy this house when we get married?

Albert Einstein: Hey wait a second, I thought you said these are shadows and they can’t see nor hear us?

Charles Dickens: Indeed, but a little-known fact that I forgot to mention… Scrooge’s middle name is Albert, like your first name.  It just didn’t make the book because I could only have 29,000 words in this story.  I was just over 28,000 so I had to do some trimming.  Knowing Scrooge’s middle name isn’t important until, well I guess right now.  Anyway, Belle called him Al for short because he called her by her uncle’s nick name of Peg.

Albert Einstein: Well, I guess that’s an interesting tidbit to know. 

Ralphie Parker: Gosh Peg, have you seen the price of this place?  We can’t afford this, investments haven’t grown as they should!

Peg Bundy: But Al, you said that last year.  Why can’t we get married? You’re a partner in your own firm now.

Ralphie Parker: Business continues to be poor, we’re barely clearing expenses.

Peg Bundy: Well Al, I can’t wait another year. Let’s get married and get this house, its in our price range.

Ralphie Parker: Peg, that’s because the other houses in our price range are on fire.

Peg Bundy: Oh darn, well I guess I should get going then.

Ralphie Parker: But Peg, I love you. Give me another year, I promise.

Peg Bundy: I’m sorry Al. I just can’t wait.  I am going to check out that running full back at Polk high, I hear he scored four touch downs in one game.

Donald Trump: Oh Spirit, why must you torture me?

Sophia Petrillo: I told you, these are the shadows of things that have been.  They are what they are, do not blame me!

Donald Trump: Leave me!

Charles Dickens: Scrooge was left alone and exhausted and back in his bedroom. Sleep did not come, and he found himself weeping over his past.  Wishing he could have done things differently.

Albert Einstein: I gotta say, that Spirit was a bit mean.  Was there not anything in his past that was a joy to see for him?

Charles Dickens: Indeed, don’t you remember him seeing his child hood friends, and meeting Belle? 

Albert Einstein: Yea that’s true, I guess I didn’t make the connection. So, what happens now?

Charles Dickens: As Scrooge lay there feeling sorry for himself, he heard his clock start the hourly chimes for 2 AM.

12/09/2019: Scrooge’s Love


Donald Trump: Why it’s old Fezziwig’s happy meal toy factory I apprenticed at!

Sophia Petrillo: And why is it so festive inside?  Why are we not inside right now?

Charles Dickens: Scrooge and the Spirit entered to find a jovial bunch of people enjoying themselves. 

Donald Trump: Why it’s the Fezziwig Christmas Eve Party!  Look there’s Jacob Marley! And he’s alive and well! I hear you Jacob!

Sophia Petrillo: Again Scrooge, these are shadows.  They cannot hear you.

Donald Trump: And look, there is old Fezziwig himself!  And his business partner Ronald.

Mayor McCheese: Come Ronald, I want to introduce you to my very astute book keeper… I know he’s here somewhere.

Charles Dickens: Young scrooge entered with a down trodden look.  He was visibly upset.

Mayor McCheese: Ah, here he is, and still working.  Come Ebenezer, I want you to meet a business partner of mine!

Ralphie Parker: Mr. Fezziwig, do you have any idea how much this ball is costing?  This will destroy our profit margin.

Mayor McCheese: Ebenezer Scrooge, meet Ronald McDonald.  One of my long-time business partners. Young Scrooge here is still working and not concerned with the fact that this is a party!

Ralphie Parker: Please to meet you sir, Mr. Fezziwig. With all due respect. We cannot afford to be this frivolous. Especially after this year!

Mayor McCheese: Scrooge, it’s a party and its Christmas! It only comes once a year!

Charles Dickens: Just then a very fair maiden entered the room.

Mayor McCheese: Ah Scrooge, I want you to meet Ronald’s niece. I can’t recall her name, Ronald help me out… its not ringing a bell.

Donald Trump: That’s Belle!  I nearly married her!  I met her this night and we courted for many a month’s!

Ronald McDonald: Mr. Fezziwig, her name is Belle, but we call her Peg.

Peg Bundy: Hello gentlemen, thank you for inviting me.  This is such a grand party, do you have bon bons?

Charles Dickens: As young Scrooge beheld her, he had a change of attitude.

Ralphie Parker: If you don’t mind sir, may I show Ms. Belle to the bon bons and buffet table.

Mayor McCheese: Ah finally, he has come around to the party.  Ronald is that ok with you?

Ronald McDonald: By all means!

Mayor McCheese: Come Ronald, I want you to meet another partner of my, a Jacob Marley.

Sophia Petrillo: There was another Christmas with this fair maid, let us see it.

Donald Trump: No Spirit, I don’t want to see that one.

12/8/2019: Scrooge’s Education

Charles Dickens: Scrooge and the Spirit came upon a small village with a church, a general store and a school house.  As they approached.  Scrooge recognized the boys heading towards them.

Donald Trump: My goodness that’s, Tommy!  And that’s Alec, he used to imitate me in school despite his iron jaw impediment. And that’s Vladimir the exchange student, such times we had.  Hello boys, its me Ebenezer!

Sophia Petrillo: Save it Scrooge, these are but shadows of things that have been.  They have no consciousness of us at all.  They can neither see nor hear us.

Donald Trump:  They must all be leaving to head home for the Christmas holiday. Why the school house must be deserted by now.

Sophia Petrillo: Its not completely deserted, there is yet a solitary lad neglected by his friends.

Charles Dickens:  They entered the school house and found it empty except on young lad writing in a ledger.  Scrooge broke down a bit and cried.

Sophia Petrillo: You recognize this young lad?

Donald Trump: Why of course, its me! 

Charles Dickens: At that moment, one of Scrooge’s friends entered and tried to get him to leave.

MiniTrapJaw: Ebenezer, come one lets go… its Christmas!

Ralphie Parker: Who cares about stupid dumb old Christmas!

Charles Dickens: Scrooge’s friend disappeared, and Scrooge resumed his writing.

Sophia Petrillo: Why would you not join your friends?

Donald Trump: The holiday was a good time to get caught up on any old work and get ahead on the upcoming work.

Sophia Petrillo: Lets continue to look at more Christmas’s at this place.

Donald Trump: Why, they were pretty much all the same.

Charles Dickens:  The Spirit and Scrooge stood there as a mash of scenes of many Christmas’s where Scrooge continued his studies while his friends neglected him.  Scrooge sobbed a bit until another person joined his younger self.

Donald Trump: Why that’s my old headmaster! This man taught me my greatest lesson!

Hulk Hogan: Master Scrooge, you have trained, ate your vitamins and prayed properly.  Its graduation day brother!

Ralphie Parker: Thank you headmaster

Hulk Hogan: Brother, life is a golden opportunity! You must keep your nose to the grindstone, work hard continue to train. I understand you are to be apprenticed to a fine company in London!  Today, brother you become a man of business!

Ralphie Parker: I am looking forward to it Headmaster.

Hulk Hogan: One more thing Master Scrooge… you forgot your commencement sash!

Sophia Petrillo: Come, let us go see this fine company in London!

Charles Dickens: Scrooge reached for the Spirit’s hand, and the scene faded as they were transported to a dingy factory, that appeared very lively on the inside.

12/7/2019: The Ghost of Christmas Past

Charles Dickens: Scrooge didn’t fall asleep until moments before the clock started to play its hourly chimes.  He looked out and saw nothing.  Nothing that is until the clock chimed 1.  At which point his room light all up and he saw an apparition.  It seemed very real though.

Sophia Petrillo: Scrooge! Get up! Let’s go!

Donald Trump: Who are you? Are you the spirit whose coming was foretold to me?

Sophia Petrillo: I am! I am the Ghost of Christmas Past!

Donald Trump: Long past, like from the birth of our Saviour?

Sophia Petrillo: No, your past Scrooge.

Donald Trump: Oh, that’s just great, I suppose you’re with those impeachment folks that are always bugging me about my past. You’re here to help them, right?

Sophia Petrillo: No Scrooge, I am here for your welfare!

Donald Trump: Oh, so you’re a freeloader and just want your hand in my pocket.  Well I can assure you, it is empty.

Sophia Petrillo: I think there’s a connection between your brain and wallpaper paste… Come we have much to see!

Donald Trump: But spirit, where will we go. It is the middle of the night and I am not fully dressed to go out.

Sophia Petrillo: Have I given you any indication at all that I care? Now let’s go!

Donald Trump: Don’t get angry spirit, we shall go.

Sophia Petrillo: Oh, I’m sorry sweetheart, I just tend to get a little upset WHEN PEOPLE RUIN MY LIFE!

Charles Dickens: The spirit snapped her fingers and the window opened. 

Sophia Petrillo: Come, let us go.

Donald Trump: But spirit, I am a mere mortal.  I cannot leap from the window.

Sophia Petrillo: Man, you’re such a big baby.  A touch of my hand and you shall fly with me.

Charles Dickens: Scrooge was a bit leery, but he grabbed her hand and he lifted off the floor a bit.

Sophia Petrillo: Now don’t you get any funny ideas mister.

Charles Dickens: They proceeded through the window and Scrooge’s bedroom vanish, as did the city.  Scrooge found himself with the Spirit on an open country road with fields on either side.  The darkness of the night had vanished as well, and it was a clear cold winter day with snow on the ground.

Donald Trump: My goodness spirit!  I grew up here!  Just up this road is my school house!

Sophia Petrillo: Do you recollect the way there?

Donald Trump: Remember it!  I can walk there blindfolded!

Sophia Petrillo: Well, lets get moving.  I’ve got a bunion that isn’t getting any smaller… Let’s Go!

Charles Dickens:  They started heading to the school house, with Scrooge recognizing every gate, tree and residence

Albert Einstein: I’m perplexed, how does she have a bunion if she is levitating?

Charles Dickens: You got me on that, I didn’t put that in the original version.

12/6/2019: SCROOOOGE!!!!

Charles Dickens: Now I want to remind you Al, that Marley was dead.

Albert Einstein: You mentioned that indeed.  It seems hardly worth repeating.

Charles Dickens: It is important to note, that he was dead.  As Marley’s business partner, Scrooge inherited all of Marley’s assets when he died. One of which being his highly visible and highly furnished White House on Commonwealth of PA Ave. Prior to there, he had rented a room near the office.  Scrooge was never one for frivolities.  As such, when he inherited this house, he kept it shut up, lightly heated and lit.

Albert Einstein: Well at least he is consistent.

Charles Dickens: Indeed, now as Scrooge approached his house, no one was out on the street.  However, Scrooge had the eerie feeling that he was being followed or watched. He walked by his house once to see if he could see anyone following him.  He stood in the darkness for a bit of time and looked around to see if he could see anyone.  He saw nothing; however he did see a discarded bucket from KFC.

Albert Einstein: MMM, finger licking good!

Charles Dickens: Is that all you think about? Food and slogans?

Albert Einstein: Well, I am hungry.

Charles Dickens:  Sigh… Scrooge was drawn to the bucket of KFC, he couldn’t explain it but his eyes fixed on it and he swore he heard his name being called by a voice from the past.

Donald Trump: Who’s there?!

Charles Dickens:  Again, silence.  Scrooge content that his mind was playing tricks on him, decided to enter his house and turn in for the night. Instead of saying his phrase he tweeted:

Donald Trump: #BahHumbug

Charles Dickens: As Scrooge settled in for the night, he ate a light meal and fell asleep in his chair.  But he was awoken to a vision of his former business partner calling out his name.

Bernie Sanders: SCROOOOGEEE!!!

Donald Trump: Jacob Marley!

Bernie Sanders: Ebenezer Scrooge! In life I was your business partner.  Now I come to warn you of the dangers of your capitalistic ways, to save your spirit!

Donald Trump: But, you’re dead. You’re not real! You could be a hallucination!

Bernie Sanders: Why do you doubt what you see?

Donald Trump: Why you could be a bit of stomach ache.  A undigested Hamberder, a bit of cheese.  Ah yes, there more of gravy than grave about you!

Bernie Sanders: Scrooge, you’re as funny as you are compassionate. I have come to tell you will be visited by three spirits tonight. You can expect the first ghost when the clock strikes one!

Donald Trump: But I’ve had enough of a haunting.  Can’t I just have them all now?

Bernie Sanders: Expect the first ghost when the clock strikes one!  Now I must take my chains of oppression and redistribute them to other greedy capitalists. Charles Dickens: And just as fast as Jacob Marley appeared, he disappeared.

12/5/2019: A Holiday

Charles Dickens: Fred left Scrooge’s office leave a wreath on the door and the two portly gentlemen before Scrooge. One of the gentlemen decided to try a different approach.

Ted Dibiase: Ahem, Mr. Scrooge.  So, may we speak with Mr. Marley? The name on the office says Scrooge and Marley.

Donald Trump: Marley died seven year ago, sir, now you have stated your business I suggest you leave.

Hamburglar: Well, Mr Scrooge, even a small donation would help the poor and homeless.

Donald Trump: Well, I see sir.  I pay taxes, those taxes pay for the poor houses and prisons.  The poor and homeless should go there.

Ted Dibiase: But sir!  Have you seen the conditions of the prisons and poor houses?  Many would rather die than go there!

Donald Trump: Well if they are going to die, they better do it. And decrease the surplus population!

Charles Dickens: The portly gentlemen were speechless.

Donald Trump: Bob Cratchit, show these men out post haste.

Will Riker: Aye Sir, gentlemen if you please

Ted Dibiase: Lets go see if there are more charitable places of business along this street.

Charles Dickens: Bob Cratchit opened the door for the gentlemen and gave them a very apologetic look.  He wanted to donate to them, but he couldn’t with his needs at home. The men left and Bob returned to his desk, paused then headed towards Mr Scrooge’s desk.  He was dreading what he had to do next.  Especially after what had just transpired with these gentlemen.

Albert Einstein: Let me guess, he was going to ask for a donation to help at home?

Will Riker: Sir, it appears to be closing time.

Donald Trump: Indeed, I shall see you tomorrow morning.

Will Riker: But Sir, tomorrow’s Christmas.

Donald Trump: Very well, 8:30 then.

Will Riker: Mr. Scrooge, a half an hour off doesn’t seem hardly customary for Christmas Day.

Donald Trump: Hardly Customary? Well Mr. Cratchit, how much time would you consider to be “customary”?

Will Riker: Well sir, the whole day. Besides, all other business will be closed, and it will waste resources like coal?

Donald Trump: It seems a poor excuse for picking a man’s pocket every December the 25th but seeing as I’m the only one who sees that, you may have the day. I expect you here all the earlier the following day.

Will Riker: Aye sir, and thank you sir.  Thank you so much! This means a lot to my family.

Donald Trump: Bah, HUMBUG!

Charles Dickens: They closed up the shop and each man headed home.

Albert Einstein: Wow, so he got the day off.  That was quite generous of him!  So, I guess that it huh?

Charles Dickens: Not quite!